I like to use a lot of phrases and statements in my writing and speaking--over the top statements that tend make me giggle (sometimes) or express extreme thoughts and opinions. They are idiomatic expressions, often ("I sure stuck my foot in my mouth with that one!") or expressing an intense thought or emotion ("I will die if I don't get to do that"; "I am going to be so angry if ...")
The last time I had a cognizant recollection of using one of these phrases (verbally) was in Colorado as my friend and I explored Rocky Mountain National Park. I remember saying, "I am going to be so angry if we don't make to the summit, or at least above the tree line..."
I caught myself in the comment and started to think about what I had said. Would I really be angry if I didn't make it above the tree line on this trip? (For those who aren't aware of what "above the tree line" means it is a certain elevation where trees are unable to grow any longer on the mountain- it is truly a majestic view!). It wasn't as if I hadn't been there before. It wasn't as if the tree line wouldn't be there next time, either.
Would I really be angry about that?
Truth be told, there was a time I would have been incredibly upset by this. To not get what I wanted would have landed me squarely in the position of a sinful, angry response.
But this time? No. I wasn't angry or mad about it- I would have been disappointed as I truly enjoy that part of the mountains. It would not have ruined the trip, though! This year I had the blessing of a friend who lives in Colorado take me to places in the mountains I had never been, and I was able to do some (not super extraneous but fun and new and different) hiking. I had been having a blast, but there was that one little thing my heart was set on--getting above that tree line.
"As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man." Proverbs 27:19
"What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person." Matthew 15:18
Both of those verses came to mind as I stood at a point right above the tree line, praying (my friend was gracious enough to get me that high at least, knowing we were out of time to make it to the summit that day). I knew I wasn't truly angry and, by the grace of God, wouldn't become so, but how did my words jive with the truth of these verses? In light of the fact there were times in the past where I have made statements like that, and I did get angry, what made this time different?
My first mentor in biblical counseling taught me that true, biblical change happens in the heart. That change happens often before there are any external ramifications or life changes. Dealing with sinful anger is an area I have been working on for- okay, let's just say a long time- and I KNEW I had changed here in a lot of ways. However, my words and speech revealed I hadn't really changed- didn't it? That's what those passages of Scripture say!
I have really wrestled with this the past several months. Why did others (lovingly, I am sure, but I doubt I responded as graciously as I ought to have responded) continue to point out to me that I hadn't changed here like I had claimed?
Where was the disconnect between truth learned in the heart and truth applied to my life?
The answer somewhat startled me.
My words.
While I knew I wouldn't get truly angry, the person next to me who has seen me respond in sinful anger to similar circumstances would have no reason to believe anything other than the words I speak out loud. My behavior was not changing to reflect what was happening on the inside.
These words and phrases that slip out of my mouth have become habituated responses- an established pattern of behavior. When I find myself in certain circumstances, certain phrases come out of my mouth: I can't... I hate... You don't... I'm not...
Quite a while ago I identified this pattern of thinking and set out to correct it- however, I didn't give equal weight to my speech, or what words came out of my mouth.
James 3 talks a lot about the tongue. He makes a bold statement: "No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." (James 3:8)
The emphasis on the words we speak struck me as I listened to my pastor preach on Romans 3:10-20. A verdict against all of humanity for sin under the law is detailed with a heavy emphasis on words and speech: "their throats are like a grave that has been opened; they deceive with their tongues. The poison of cobras is hidden behind their lips." (vs. 13).
I have a note written in my Bible that reminds me the tongue cannot be brought under control by a heart that is out of control. The reverse of this statement tells me the tongue can be brought under control by a heart that IS under control!
I am encouraged to know where the Lord has been working on my heart and seeing the changes He has been making. I have been discouraged that others around me don't see it as easily, though. The realization that my behavior (in this instance, my pattern of speech) hasn't changed to reflect the internal changes has been an excellent realization, and gives me great hope that the internal working of the Spirit of God in my heart will now have a greater opportunity to be on display for the glory of God.
So "pardon the mess" as I continue to grow and change, catching myself in the phrasing I use and replacing those statements with a more accurate, truthful statement reflecting the work of God in this heart. He is faithful!
The last time I had a cognizant recollection of using one of these phrases (verbally) was in Colorado as my friend and I explored Rocky Mountain National Park. I remember saying, "I am going to be so angry if we don't make to the summit, or at least above the tree line..."
I caught myself in the comment and started to think about what I had said. Would I really be angry if I didn't make it above the tree line on this trip? (For those who aren't aware of what "above the tree line" means it is a certain elevation where trees are unable to grow any longer on the mountain- it is truly a majestic view!). It wasn't as if I hadn't been there before. It wasn't as if the tree line wouldn't be there next time, either.
Would I really be angry about that?
Truth be told, there was a time I would have been incredibly upset by this. To not get what I wanted would have landed me squarely in the position of a sinful, angry response.
But this time? No. I wasn't angry or mad about it- I would have been disappointed as I truly enjoy that part of the mountains. It would not have ruined the trip, though! This year I had the blessing of a friend who lives in Colorado take me to places in the mountains I had never been, and I was able to do some (not super extraneous but fun and new and different) hiking. I had been having a blast, but there was that one little thing my heart was set on--getting above that tree line.
"As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man." Proverbs 27:19
"What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person." Matthew 15:18
Both of those verses came to mind as I stood at a point right above the tree line, praying (my friend was gracious enough to get me that high at least, knowing we were out of time to make it to the summit that day). I knew I wasn't truly angry and, by the grace of God, wouldn't become so, but how did my words jive with the truth of these verses? In light of the fact there were times in the past where I have made statements like that, and I did get angry, what made this time different?
My first mentor in biblical counseling taught me that true, biblical change happens in the heart. That change happens often before there are any external ramifications or life changes. Dealing with sinful anger is an area I have been working on for- okay, let's just say a long time- and I KNEW I had changed here in a lot of ways. However, my words and speech revealed I hadn't really changed- didn't it? That's what those passages of Scripture say!
I have really wrestled with this the past several months. Why did others (lovingly, I am sure, but I doubt I responded as graciously as I ought to have responded) continue to point out to me that I hadn't changed here like I had claimed?
Where was the disconnect between truth learned in the heart and truth applied to my life?
The answer somewhat startled me.
My words.
While I knew I wouldn't get truly angry, the person next to me who has seen me respond in sinful anger to similar circumstances would have no reason to believe anything other than the words I speak out loud. My behavior was not changing to reflect what was happening on the inside.
These words and phrases that slip out of my mouth have become habituated responses- an established pattern of behavior. When I find myself in certain circumstances, certain phrases come out of my mouth: I can't... I hate... You don't... I'm not...
Quite a while ago I identified this pattern of thinking and set out to correct it- however, I didn't give equal weight to my speech, or what words came out of my mouth.
James 3 talks a lot about the tongue. He makes a bold statement: "No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." (James 3:8)
The emphasis on the words we speak struck me as I listened to my pastor preach on Romans 3:10-20. A verdict against all of humanity for sin under the law is detailed with a heavy emphasis on words and speech: "their throats are like a grave that has been opened; they deceive with their tongues. The poison of cobras is hidden behind their lips." (vs. 13).
I have a note written in my Bible that reminds me the tongue cannot be brought under control by a heart that is out of control. The reverse of this statement tells me the tongue can be brought under control by a heart that IS under control!
I am encouraged to know where the Lord has been working on my heart and seeing the changes He has been making. I have been discouraged that others around me don't see it as easily, though. The realization that my behavior (in this instance, my pattern of speech) hasn't changed to reflect the internal changes has been an excellent realization, and gives me great hope that the internal working of the Spirit of God in my heart will now have a greater opportunity to be on display for the glory of God.
So "pardon the mess" as I continue to grow and change, catching myself in the phrasing I use and replacing those statements with a more accurate, truthful statement reflecting the work of God in this heart. He is faithful!